After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
