i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
