I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
