I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
third nipple confirmed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
