I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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