Barsexuality is the new black.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
