Kiss
Puke
Me too!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
