your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
