he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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