Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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