i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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