she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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