bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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