"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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