highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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