I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
