i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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