I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
