I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
