So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hippo gnu deer
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
