Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
