My first STD was from a foam party
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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