she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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