I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
