dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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