i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
