i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
