oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
