Midget sex pt 2 tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
