Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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