I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
