I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
