Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
