he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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