there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
