I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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