phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
