And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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