I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
