If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize