i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
