FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
