before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
