Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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