I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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