The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
