My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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