Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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