We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
