Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
