DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
