dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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