Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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