guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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