I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
