My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
