and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
