My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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