It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
