3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
