She's JV to your varsity
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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