Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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