Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
