I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
