He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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