Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
