Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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