Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
