Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
