I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it glows. i had to have it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
