During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
