On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
