the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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